


The Loneliest Number

by Quackyeon



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Future Fic, M/M, sex scene, sf9 disbandment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 02:53:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10732668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quackyeon/pseuds/Quackyeon
Summary: On the surface Youngkyun has it all, but deep down he doesn't have anything





	The Loneliest Number

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [kpopolymfics2017](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/kpopolymfics2017) collection. 



> This fic was written for K-Pop Olymfics 2017. Olymfics is a challenge in which participants write fics based on prompt sets and compete against other teams of writers, organized by genre. 
> 
> This is Team Future’s fic for the following prompt set:  
>  **Anda – "Taxi"**  
> [lyrics](http://lyricstranslate.com/en/taxi-taxi.html-14) | [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sy5iBXYx3E) | [supplementary](https://www.flickr.com/photos/52214493@N03/8038516482/) [prompts](http://66.media.tumblr.com/6cc27093d0a7a190f2e09e7239d96c2b/tumblr_oha5mvhHDX1v9m0i0o1_400.jpg)
> 
> The other 2 fics for this prompt can be found in [the collection](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/kpopolymfics2017). Competition winners are chosen by the readers, so please rate this fic using [this survey](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1LDVBqBbkiaSqxVoHeOYJ-S9CueEmFwNxBVX-Yn3SIwU/viewform?edit_requested=true)!

It was midnight when Youngkyun got in, throwing his jacket off and stripping slowly. He lay in the bed, luxurious bed sheets swamped him. His eyes shut tightly trying to will himself to fall asleep quickly. On his scale of nights this was the level above the worst kind. He didn't like the feel of his naked body against the cold sheets. Although, the worst nights were when he brought home a random man and for a brief moment didn't feel so empty, holding the man close, skin against skin. Youngkyun liked sex, that wasn't the problem. The problem was after when he woke up alone, when he was reminded of how empty he really was. That was the kind of empty that couldn't just be fixed sleeping with strangers. Youngkyun was good at picking up strangers - bad at making the men stay was all. 

No one had stayed since Taeyang. It always came back to him and maybe that was the problem. Youngkyun couldn't blame Taeyang, no, it wasn't his fault that Youngkyun was alone now. He was in his 30s and very successful at what he did. He had everything, he had the world. Taeyang had lived up to his name, he had burned so bright like the sun, a star in his own right. There had been a time were Youngkyun had wondered if he was just a planet orbiting around a beautiful sun, or maybe Icarus flying too close. Even to this day he wasn't sure which one was the truth. 

Youngkyun had decided to get up again, re-dressing. It was _only_ midnight. The night was still young and he was too. He swiped his phone to unlock it and scrolled down his contacts, most of SF9 were now adults with children. He'd been the second youngest in the group so no one was making too many comments about the fact that he hadn't gotten himself a wife and started a family. Youngkyun was also at the height of a solo career. 

His thumb hesitated over Sanghyuk. They had shared a room together when they had first debuted so Youngkyun had always felt like he could trust him. Sanghyuk was also the one who he related to the most, in the sense that they had both gone on to be successful solo artists after SF9. He still saw Sanghyuk at music shows and it had made being a solo artist a little less nerve-wrecking. He eventually dialed the number and smiled when the other answered. 

Sanghyuk sounded like he had already started drinking. "Youngkyun, please tell me you're coming out tonight." 

"I have to record tomorrow." Youngkyun tried to play down the fact that he'd clearly called to find someone to go out drinking with. Having everything but feeling like a shell wasn't exactly something Youngkyun wanted other people to know about. 

"You called me because you have to record tomorrow, Youngkyun, I know you. Come on I'll text you the club I'm in. I have a VIP booth." Sanghyuk's voice was teasing and had Youngkyun not intended on going out it would have been enough to tempt him. "Hey wear those skinny jeans I might have a guy for you." 

Youngkyun rolled his eyes, grabbing a jacket and shutting the door on his way out. He hailed a taxi, normally he had a driver but when he was going out to get drunk, he didn't really want him management team privy to that information. Although, he wasn't going to get too drunk, he really did have a recording session the next day. He sat in the back of the taxi staring out at the world as it passed him by. He wondered how many people felt alone, but his eyes were drawn to couples. He couldn't help but see the way they clung to each other in the bitter cold of Korea's winters. He saw men taking their jackets off for their girlfriends. He missed that, not the jackets, although he had always loved wearing Taeyang's clothing. He missed having someone there, someone you could hold in the winter, walking home, laughing about nothing and everything. 

He arrived at the club and got out, walking in and ducking past some club-goers to get up to the VIP sections. He did eventually find Sanghyuk's booth and smiled sitting down and grabbing a shot. He knocked it back before narrowing his eyes a little at Sanghyuk, he hated tequila, and he'd only drunk it after his break-up, because Sanghyuk had promised him it would get him off his face drunk. Sanghyuk gave him a smile as if butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. "Don't look at me like that, one of my dancers is _really_ hot. You'll like him. You go for dancers don't you?" 

Youngkyun was jarred a little by that comment. He knew that Sanghyuk was referring to Taeyang. SF9's dancer. "I don't limit myself to dancers." He answered back looking around the booth, it was predominantly female and Youngkyun wondered which one Sanghyuk was trying to hook up with that night. He wasn't sure that Sanghyuk was straight but he knew Sanghyuk primarily went for women. He wondered who Sanghyuk had thought was his type. 

A man came over, cute, tall and broad. Youngkyun tried not to roll his eyes when Sanghyuk gave him a wink. He got up and moved with the man to another part of the VIP booth. Youngkyun liked that the booth's allowed for talking but at the same time, what could he have to say to this dancer? "So you're a backing dancer for Sanghyuk?" 

"Sometimes." The man flashed a smile. "You're a rapper right?" The man had lent closer and Youngkyun knew that this man was just looking for a hook-up. Not that you go to the club to find your soulmate. "You must be pretty talented with your mouth." 

"You could say that." Youngkyun gave the man a cheeky smile, leaning closer to the man. He didn't really want to have a hook up, but he also didn't want to go home alone. He was trapped in the most weak form of a catch-22, and it appeared to be a repeating cycle. 

It wasn't long after that that Youngkyun found himself pressed against the wall of the club, the dancer was against him, Minki, not that Youngkyun would remember his name in the morning. He kissed him hard, hands holding the others arms tightly, he knew he might be holding a bit hard but Minki's hips were definitely pressed too hard against his. Youngkyun kissed him harder, pulling him closer and when they parted he sighed contently. "We need to go back to mine." He said to the man.

He dragged the man down to hail a cab, he felt lucky that he was able to move freely like this with another man and not get caught, or there be speculation about it. It was normal for men to hold hands in Korea and Youngkyun had no problem exploiting that for his own means. He sat in the back not really talking to Minki, that was something which might give it away. 

As soon as Youngkyun got the man in the passionate kisses resumed. Youngkyun loved kissing, sometimes he wondered if he liked it more than anything else when it came to being intimate. He pulled the other to the bed, there was no point wasting any time on this. He just wanted to feel loved, he wanted to feel another man against him. He helped them strip him down, he closed his eyes as the other kissed down his chest.

Slowly pumping Minki's cock as the other was working on stretching him. Youngkyun watched the other as he was working, occasionally pressing gentle kisses to his hips and stomach. This was more affectionate than Youngkyun had been expecting. Minki was quick to put a condom in and press against him. Youngkyun hated this, he always found himself tensing when he knew he should relax. He tilted his head back against the pillow, closing his eyes. 

Minki moved slowly, only pushing in about half way. Youngkyun might have had a few control issues, he didn't like to let go, but in sex he always liked to be the one with no control. It was a contradiction but he didn't really care about that. He had liked other sexual positions when he'd slept with Taeyang but now he just wanted to forget, to just feel liked, loved. He sighed as the other pushed in a little deeper. 

He grasped at the other's back encouraging him to move faster. He rolled his hips trying to help the other get deeper and faster. He closed his eyes letting out a low moan, he pulled the man down for a hard kiss. Youngkyun's legs wrapped around the others hips tightly, pressing harder into them. He reached between them to start tugging at his length. Youngkyun's voice more desperate as he got close, he cried out as he came between the two of them. It wasn't long after that Minki also came. 

Youngkyun wasn't particularly surprised when Minki didn't stay for longer than thirty minutes after before leaving. He got up to shower and change his sheets before getting back into the bed and letting sleep consume him. He knew he was getting too old to just be sleeping around but he didn't know how else to live his life at this point. 

It was around a week later, he was sat with Chanhee. Chanhee had been the person in SF9 that Youngkyun would have said he was closest too. Sanghyuk was his roommate, but Chanhee was someone who'd always understood him, but now he wasn't so sure they were on the same page anymore. Chanhee had a little boy, Jaemin, who Youngkyun loved but at the same time it made him feel like they were on completely separate tracks. 

Chanhee eyed Youngkyun, "So you're telling me you slept with Sanghyuk's back up dancer?" 

"Yes." Youngkyun shrugged. "I mean he was hot and Sanghyuk suggested we got together, which I had assumed he meant more than just one night but apparently I was wrong." 

"Oh yeah, because Sanghyuk is so big on commitment, he can't even stay on the same phone contract for more than six months." Chanhee shook his head. "How is your album recording going?" 

"Fine, you know, great." Youngkyun, might have thought the other boy was close to him but he didn't know about the emptiness. He took a little sigh, "I feel like I've done it wrong, you know? That I should be settling down with a guy and have dogs." 

"Is this about Taeyang?" Chanhee said, Chanhee had started out as Taeyang's roommate and Youngkyun knew he felt conflicted about the situation between the pair of them. "You know he didn't mean to hurt you." 

"And that makes it all ok?" Youngkyun sighed, he looked away from Chanhee. "You know I thought I'd found the one. I thought I was going to be with him forever." 

"He didn't date you with the intention of dumping you." Chanhee looked at Youngkyun, "he broke up with you because it's hard, ok? Love is hard and not everyone can go the distance and you guys couldn't." 

"Yes and it was easy for him, to break up with me and move on." Youngkyun fired back. "So now he's happy living in Europe and I'm stuck here feeling empty, I miss him." Youngkyun sighed, it had been over two years since they'd broken up. "I miss him still." 

"Youngkyun." 

"I know, he's got a fiance, and they're happy and I'm just holding onto the past." He shook his head. "I have everything, why do I care so much for a guy who left me because he wanted to go to Europe and I wanted a career. I have fame, I have money, I could get any man I want. I know that Chanhee." Youngkyun sighed. "But I want _him_." 

Youngkyun felt the ache of emptiness when he got home, he knew he was getting too old for this. He wanted to find someone, to be happy. He grabbed his laptop and opened up Facebook, clicking on Taeyang’s profile. He always did this when he felt lonely and it did nothing to quell that feeling. He sighed as he scrolled through the photos, Taeyang was happy, happier than he’d been with Youngkyun. That hurt, because Youngkyun had never been happier than when he was with Taeyang. 

Youngkyun did not know what he could do to move on, he’d tried everything. He was very successful, he worked hard, he met guys but he didn’t find anyone who made him feel the way Taeyang had. He wanted that feeling so badly, he wanted to feel like he was someone’s world, and that someone saw him, Youngkyun. Not just Hwiyoung, rapper, dancer, former member of SF9. 

Music shows were always when he felt most at ease. He was surrounded by people who knew what it was like to be on stage, to be loved for your stage mask but not for who you really were. He didn’t know if there was even an artist who didn’t feel it to some extent. Youngkyun was sharing his dressing room with a small boy group, they were rookies and he did actually really like their songs. They were nice boys, enamoured with the idea of being famous, Youngkyun missed that too. He missed the hope he once had, the dreams. He’d worked hard to get where he was, and maybe he’d lost too much. 

He didn’t want to give up the stage, he’d never wanted anything more than to stand on the stage and share his passions with the world but he was starting to wonder if it was even worth it. He wanted to have everything and he guessed that wasn’t possible. He couldn’t have Taeyang, not anymore. Taeyang was happy with someone else. 

It was midnight when he decided to do it, pressing the number for Taeyang. He sighed when the other answered. “Tae.” 

“Youngkyun, it’s been a while.” He said in that voice that made Youngkyun’s heart race. “What can I do for you?” 

“I miss you. I know you’re not coming back and it’s great that you’re happy, really, it’s great but I miss you, I miss us and I’m not over it yet.” 

“I’m sorry” Taeyang said quietly. “I really hope it gets easier. I loved your new song by the way.” 

Youngkyun actually felt better after they’d finished talking to each other. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He was still alone, but maybe he could change that? Maybe one day he would find a man to give him what he couldn’t have with Taeyang. Maybe he wouldn’t feel so empty anymore.


End file.
